Hello, I'm Patty and I'm an Altruist.

More, and more depressed. General malaise. I got very angry at him this weekend because he dared to blame me for his bad mood, and say that my taking time to heal me is a "cop out" and making him hate me. He has some balls on him doesn't he? Classic addict mentality. And it turns out that I am classic codependent. I finally bought the book & started reading it, and the foreword is right on target. Everybody uses the term, yet very few know what it means. I would never have classified myself as codependent! I asked Hubby to ask his rehab group what the definition was & he said "I know what it is!" I told him to ask anyhow. Later he said that it is "a person who is obsessed with another's addiction in order to get their own happiness" -!- I told him there is no happiness in it at all! But that definition is pretty close to what I would have said a week ago. I think tonight at my alanon meeting I'm going to say "Hello I'm Patty and I'm a codependent" just to see if anyone rises to the topic. Like I said, I've only heard the term used, never defined before. Even this book says there is no single definition, and that cases of it can vary greatly in severity. I think a good definition would be "A conscious or subconscious reaction to another's repetitive behavior in which the person progressively neglects their own basic needs and causes psychological damage to themselves." I think it is using words like "obsession" "mutually dependent" and "over-dependence" that make people turn away from the topic. No true codependent would ever say they need their addict to do addictive things for them to survive. After all, the reason they became codependent was because they were over-compensating for their addict. Rationally, they would say they'd be ecstatic if their addict started to do things for themselves. That it would remove stress from their life. I do not like the term codependent. I would much prefer "altruist" or even "obsessive-compulsive altruist." Unselfish concern for others (to the point of neglecting ourselves). It is more user-friendly! It has a much more approachable definition. I think I've found my cause. They say the term codependent developed out of alanon meetings. Therefore I'm going to develope the term "obsessive compulsive altruist" the same way. Besides, it makes people chuckle when I say "I've decided I'm not codependent. I prefer the term 'obsessive-compulsive altruist." Of course half the people in this world have no idea what an altruist is either.