Mending Fences

I spent a lot of time with Hubby this weekend, and it was actually enjoyable. I am trying not to get hopeful. I have been down this road of good times after bad before, and I am still convinced that bad will come again and be just like before. We actually talked for the first time in I don't know when. I would ask him questions about how he feels about going back to work, or the fact he's not living at home, and he would actually think about it and answer! Maybe 28 days did help him some. He's staying at his brother's trailer, except he didn't know his other brother was moving in there at the same time. So the sober brother is really not there but living with his girlfriend, and the divorced brother has moved in and has custody of his two kids every weekend in the two-bedroom trailer. Yes, it sucks for Hubby. But I'm still not ready for him to move back in yet. And he did mention, without my prompting, that he might have to get his own place for a while. He started back to work (same job, sigh) on Saturday and he'll be working six days a week from 9A-5P so that he can go to a local rehab program at night from 6P-9PM. So he will be busy with other things than me, or his lousy living situation. It was very good to spend time with him sober, but of course there are still things that got on my nerves. But I'm proud of me - I said something about them right away, whereas before I would not have said anything for God knows how long. He basically did his disappearing act when someone is visiting and he doesn't want to visit. Once, yet another brother showed up unannounced and Hubby just went inside & turned on the TV. I told him that he needs to say something to the guest and not just abandon them for me to deal with, that it's not fair to me or the guest. Then when I had my father over for dinner he just kept running around and never sat down to be social. Again I told him he should just be honest about how he feels and address it, not just avoid the situation. And he apologized both times. But it still bugged me to be educating him about his behavior. I don't want that parental role. Hubby told me that his sober brother came & did a piss test on him one day last week. And Hubby did not get mad when I told him how happy I was to hear that, because it is one of the issues I was struggling with. How could I ever just trust him not to use, and how could we possibly rebuild trust if I'm doing surprise piss tests on him? I'm hoping the brother will keep it up.

Otherwise, I put him to work around the yard this weekend. Got him to tune up the mower & cut all the grass, weekwack, fix the trellises, and help me fix the fences in the backyard. And the whole time we worked on the fences I just kept saying to myself, "I'm mending fences. Good fences make good neighbors. Spring is fence mending time. Fences need tending on a regular basis." It was very symbolic, and therapeutic to be working on the fences. Reminded me that we all need good fences in our lives. That fences can serve many purposes; to keep things out, to keep things in, or just to set a boundary with your neighbor. That you can make a fence with a gate that you can open or close whenever you want, or you can make your fence as low or high as you want depending on how much of the other side you want to see. Fences can make you feel more secure, and fences can also intimidate. And no matter how much care & effort you put into building your fence, it will eventually fall down without regular maintenance.