The repercussions of a thing like this can go on for years!

Almost a year since I posted, and I bet you can guess what happened in my life. Yes, I finally gave up hope. Surprisingly, it was actually a lash-out by the sober brother that pushed me to the decision. Sober brother did indeed give Hubby a job, and yes, he ended up regretting his enabling. Hubby screwed up by getting another DUI, and got fired, and was facing felony charges. So what does sober "healthy" brother do? Call ME up at work to scream at me for leaving him to "pick up all the pieces after I abandoned [hubby]" !!!!!! Talk about still having your own issues with addiction! Not my problem if he still feels guilty about all the pain he caused when using. The brother is so very proud of his five years & 12 Steps - but he really only did 11, because he certainly missed the one about being humble and taking "an honest look" at his life. You'd think a sober addict would realize how much a practicing addict will lie to people more than a lay person like me. And why do addicts deserve ANY qualification of what "kind" of addict they are?! Whatever. I feel for his new bride; she'll find out eventually. If I ever mention him again I'll call him the "11 stepper".

Yup, I'm on the fast-track to divorce. I just got too tired of it all. Tired of fighting for my own self esteem, tired of the circular arguments that were really just a ploy used by Hubby to tire me out. Tired of being the only one trying. Tired of being put in second place behind his addictions. Don't get me wrong - I am still struggling with my self-esteem, and unfortunately I think that one will be limping for quite a while yet. I had abandonment issues before, and they are right back up front again. It was only about a month ago that I realized that hubby/addict could not consider me family, or anything he owed any resposibility towards. That when people say things like "I have a family to support," or "My family needs me," I didn't qualify as family in his mind. Simply crushing. No need to find a fancy adjective for that one!

I am regretting the title of this blog because I could continue to write about my daily ups & downs for a long time, yet this says Married to an Addict. That really has been changed for a while a now, even though I'm still waiting on the legality of it all. But the aftermath.......... EGADS! In the words of my Father, "The repercussions of a thing like this can go on for years!"

I have never wanted to prove my father wrong more than now. Wish me luck!